Jen Kuznicki
The powers that be at Al Jazeera have offered Secretary of State Hillary Clinton a job.
Ever since she gave them a free commercial on the floor of the Senate, they began development of a signing package for her talents at the “real-news-even-if-you-don’t-agree” station.
Sources familiar with the package have been able to disclose the conditions of her employment.
First of all, the former First Lady will have to cover her face. She may not agree with that, but that’s really one of the most important things.
Secondly, she will be the travelling road reporter that reports exclusively on honor killings and mutilations. It will be her job, for example, to describe the reasoning behind each individual female mutilation and death due to Islamic Law.
Christiane Amanpour of the slummy ABC News network held an interview about the job offer with the Chief Editor of Al Jazeera, Ahmed Sheikh. During the interview, Amanpour asked a very pointed question pertaining to the fine print of the contract.
“Ahmed, why do think that one of the most intelligent women in the world would, and I quote from the text, ‘bake cookies and iron shirts,’ as part of the deal?”
Al Jazeera’s executive responded, “Silence, Infidel! Just kidding, Chrissy, c’mon I’m joking, you know me. But, to answer your question, we are confident she will perform those traditional activities because she knows her place in a man’s world. After all, she defended the rights of President Clinton, peace be upon him, to have concubines. But look, we already have Medea Benjamin of Code Pink and Naomi Wolf, we are sure Hilary will fit right in.”
Sheikh also revealed one possible deal-breaker that has been discussed internally, namely, Hillary’s possible Jewish roots.
“I’ll admit it has been discussed, I mean, as I have said in the past, even if you hate the Israelis that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t speak with them. They are, after all, a party to the conflict. But I told Hillary she is special. She is an extra-special Jew because she denounces and criticizes Israel. We talked for some time, and she revealed to me that the reason she doesn’t want to run for office again is because she would have to “woo the jews” again. We both chuckled at the rhyme and we use it sort of as an inside joke.”
Politico reported that trusted sources familiar with the deal said that they think that it is possible but don’t say you heard it from them, that Hillary is seriously considering the deal.
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