My fellow Americans,
Eat your peas, you aren’t that smart, everybody works hard, you aren’t special, you can’t keep your thermostat at a comfortable temperature because you don’t deserve it, stop whining, stop being lazy, we aren’t as good as we once were, China is better, you are just a cog in the murder machine, you aren’t selling hard and hustling, you’ve lost your ambition, your imagination and your willingness to build things, you’ve gotten soft, you can’t drill because you’ll ruin everything, you can’t drive whatever you want, let’s be real. Now I have to apologize for you to every country that will listen. Thanks for nothing.
***AND NOW BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM***